The unwritten rules of a hostel room (nobody tells you, you learn by getting it wrong)

Nobody hands you a rulebook when you move into a hostel room. There is a printed one on the notice board. It says things like "no electric heaters" and "visitors till 6 pm". That one is useless. The real rules are the ones nobody says out loud.

I've been in a hostel room in Kota for close to a year. Three of us in one room. Different cities, different habits, one shared fan. Here is what I've learned. Short version. I don't like long stories.

Rule 1: The charger is common property. The charging point is not.

We have two sockets for three people. Charger lending is fine. Unplugging someone's phone when it's at 91% is a crime. Ask first. If they're asleep, leave it.

My roommate once unplugged my phone at night to charge his. My alarm didn't ring. I missed the 6 am class. We talked about it. Now there is a rotation. Boring. Works.

Rule 2: Do not touch the bed of a person who is not in the room

Not to sit. Not to put your bag. Not even if it's "just for a minute". A bed in a hostel is the only private square metre you own. People who sit on other people's beds without asking get a look. The look is enough.

Rule 3: Lights out is a negotiation, not a time

The official time is 11. The real time depends on who has a test the next day. If one person has a test, the others switch to a table lamp or go to the study room. If everyone has a test, we study in silence and nobody speaks.

The trick: decide it before there is a fight. We settled it on the second day. A short chat. It saved us months.

Rule 4: Food is not shared unless said

This one has two sides:

• If someone brings food from home, it is a gift event. Everyone gets some. Always. Even the strange pickle.
• If food is in the shelf and no one said "take", it isn't yours.

I took a packet of biscuits once without asking. It was a small thing. But it wasn't mine. I bought a new packet and put it back without saying anything. He knew. We never mentioned it. That's how it works.

Rule 5: The silent person is not always okay

This is the one I want you to read.

In the first few months, one of my roommates went quiet. He still studied. Still ate. But he stopped laughing. He used to put his earphones on the second he came back, stare at the wall. I assumed he's the quiet type.

Then one night I saw him at the window at 2 am. I didn't say anything dramatic. I asked if he wanted tea. He said yes. We sat on the stairs and he said his test scores had dropped and he felt like he had wasted his father's money. That was the whole thing. I told him mine had dropped too. We sat there till 3.

You don't need to fix someone. You need to sit there. That's rule five.

Rule 6: Everyone will get sick, and everyone will cook for you or fetch medicine

Not officially. But when one person has fever, someone brings water. Someone calls the warden. Someone cancels the test series for that day if it is bad enough. The people who are cold during the year become your family in those two days.

Rule 7: Hostel noise has a map

• Morning: whoever is up first moves silently.
• Afternoon: the room is for sleep. Do not play videos on speaker. Use earphones.
• Night: whisper after 10.

Whisper is a skill. I used to whisper like a person announcing at a railway station. I improved.

Rule 8: Don't compare marks out loud

The test results come out. There is a list on the board. Everyone stands in the corridor. You can see your name. You can see the roommate's name. Do not say "oh you got more than me". Do not say "I'm worse than you". It sounds harmless. It isn't. Say "chalo, next one." Or say nothing and go back.

If a roommate scored well, say "good". Mean it. If a roommate scored badly, say nothing in the corridor. Say something kind later, in the room, if they want to talk.

Rule 9: Keep one thing in your routine that is only for you

Mine is a 20-minute run at 5:40 am before anyone is awake. On bad weeks, it is the only reason I stay sane. Pick yours. A walk. A diary. Chess on the phone. If the hostel takes everything from you, you'll break.

Rule 10: Home is a phone call away, but do not hide the bad days

I used to tell my parents "everything is fine" for months. It wasn't. When I finally said the test was bad, my dad did not shout. He said, "Bata diya, accha kiya." You told me, you did well. I don't know why I was so scared before that.

Closing, short

A hostel room teaches you how to live with people you didn't choose. That's most of life, if you think about it.

Rules are small. Habits are big. And if you are new and reading this, you'll break a few rules. Everyone does. Just don't break rule five.