Is it normal to feel lonely in a hostel even when you're surrounded by people?
Mehak AroraDropper Sample
26 Sept 2026 · 2 min read
It's 1 am and I can't sleep, so I'm writing this instead of staring at the ceiling.
I'm in a PG/hostel for my drop year. Four girls in the room, forty on the floor. The mess is full, the corridor is full, there's always a voice somewhere. And still I feel alone most evenings. Not sad exactly, just... like there's glass between me and everyone else.
I'm not rude to anyone. I smile in the corridor. People talk to me about doubts and tests. But everyone seems to already have their small groups, from the first month, and I was a bit late joining and never fully got in. My roommates go for evening chai together and I usually say "you go, I have a chapter to finish." Then I sit with the chapter and don't read it.
I miss my mom's kitchen sounds. I miss my sister interrupting me. I miss feeling like someone would notice if I disappeared for a day.
What I've tried: calling home daily (it helps for ten minutes and then I feel worse when I hang up), a daily yoga session at 6 am (this actually helps), keeping my plants on the window (they're doing better than I am).
Is this normal for a drop year? Is there something wrong with me? And how do I get into a group when I feel like the moment has passed?
11 answers & replies
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[+][–]Kavya NaikDropperSample· 24d ago
Mehak, first thing: you're not wrong and you're not broken. I had almost the same evenings in my first months in the hostel. Sitting with a book open and not reading it, I could have written that line myself.
A few things that helped me:
- Go for chai once with them, even if you hate it. You don't have to talk. The first time is the hardest, the second time is easier. People rarely notice if you're quiet, they notice if you showed up.
- Pick one person, not a group. Groups feel closed. One person is easier. Ask one girl on your floor, "want to walk to the gate for five minutes?"
- The "glass" feeling gets smaller when you tell one person about it. I told my roommate, and she said "same, yaar." I nearly cried.
Also: talk to a counsellor if your college/hostel has one. It's not an admission that something is wrong, it's just a normal tool.
[+][–]Mehak AroraDropperSample· 24d agoAuthor
thank you kavya. "Pick one person not a group" is something I can actually do. I'll try tomorrow.
[+][–]Mehak AroraDropperSample· 23d agoAuthor
Update: I went for chai yesterday. Said almost nothing. One girl asked me about the plants on my window and we ended up talking about them for ten minutes. Small win. Thanks everyone, truly.
[+][–]Siddharth RaoDropperSample· 24d ago
Short answer: yes, it's very normal, especially in a drop year. In your first attempt you're surrounded by classmates you've known for years. In the drop year, everyone is a stranger and everyone is quietly under pressure, so people stay inside their own heads. It looks like groups everywhere, but trust me, half of those "groups" are just people sitting together silently scared.
One thing that helped me was a fixed 15-minute walk every evening. Not to study. Just to have a place in the day where I wasn't "a student". Sometimes someone joined. Sometimes not. Either way it made evenings less heavy.
[+][–]Zoya Khan12thSample· 24d ago
Mehak, I'm glad you wrote this down. Feeling lonely among many people is common, and it isn't a sign of anything wrong with you. Loneliness is less about how many people are around and more about whether anyone feels close. You can be in a crowded corridor and still feel unseen.
It's also very telling that yoga helps and the plants help. Those are things that bring you back into your body and into something living. Keep them. Please also tell someone at home that the daily call leaves you feeling worse afterwards, because maybe the call can change: a different time, a shorter call, a call where you also tell them a funny thing that happened rather than only reporting your study. If this feeling keeps growing, or if it starts affecting your sleep and appetite a lot, please speak to a counsellor or a doctor. That isn't weakness, it's care.
[+][–]Lakshmi TripathiDropperSample· 24d ago
I don't talk much either. What worked for me was a small routine with one person: same bench in the study hall every day. We said almost nothing for weeks. Later we started sharing tiffin. No big conversation needed.
[+][–]Rahul DubeyDropperSample· 23d ago
Third attempt, third hostel. Every time the first two months feel like this. Every time it eased. Not because I became a different person, but because shared days add up. If you keep showing up at the same places (mess at the same time, chai once a week), faces turn into names, names turn into friends.
You didn't miss the moment. In hostels, people join groups all year, because the groups keep changing as people leave or burn out.
[+][–]Mehak AroraDropperSample· 23d agoAuthor
rahul bhaiya, that "groups keep changing" thing... I hadn't thought of it that way. thank you.
[+][–]Ananya Reddy11thSample· 23d ago
I'm not in a hostel so I might be wrong here, but maybe you could invite your roommates for something small rather than waiting to be invited? Like baking cookies in the room. I saw you bake sometimes in your posts. People love when someone brings food.
[+][–]Kavya NaikDropperSample· 23d ago
love the idea, ananya, but baking in a hostel room is a no, most hostels don't allow ovens or heaters and the warden will notice the smell 😅 mehak, you could bake at home during a break and carry a box back, or do something no-cook. Even a packet of good biscuits and a plate on the floor with two girls is enough to break the glass a bit.
[+][–]Ananya Reddy11thSample· 23d ago
oh right, I didn't think about the oven part. thanks for correcting me kavya! no-cook it is then.
