Ten days of flowers: what Onam actually looks like in my house in Kochi

Ahh, okay, so a lot of people outside Kerala know Onam as "the festival with the big meal", which is true, but it's like describing a cricket match as "the one with the snacks". This year my cousin from Delhi stayed with us for the whole of Onam for the first time, and she asked so many questions that I ended up writing this.

The story, short version

Onam is linked with the legend of Mahabali, a generous king whose people were happy and prosperous. The story says he was sent below by Vamana, an avatar of Vishnu, but was allowed to visit his people once a year. Onam is the festival of welcoming him back. Different people tell the story differently, and in my house nobody agrees on the details, but everyone agrees on the welcoming.

Also, and I love this, Onam is celebrated by everyone in Kerala, whatever religion you follow. My neighbours who aren't Hindu join in with the flowers and the food, and I eat at their houses during their festivals. That's the real Onam to me.

Ten days, one pookalam

The festival runs for ten days, starting from a day called Atham and ending on Thiruvonam. Each day you make a pookalam, a flower carpet, outside the door. On the first day it's small, a circle you can fit in your hands. Each day it gets bigger, with more layers and more kinds of flowers.

I grow flowers on our terrace (gardening is my thing), so I got to be the "head of flowers", which, honestly, went to my head.

What we use: marigold, chethi (ixora, the bright red-orange one), thumba, hibiscus petals, rose petals, even green leaves cut small to make the grass. You're not supposed to use anything harmful, just petals and leaves.

The fight: my brother wanted geometric patterns with a ruler. My amma wanted a traditional round design. My cousin wanted a peacock (??). We made a compromise round design with a small peacock in the corner, which looks a bit like a confused chicken. I'm not naming who drew it.

What my cousin asked

On day 6 she said: "You spend two hours making this and then someone walks over it or it rains and it's gone. Doesn't that feel sad?"

I didn't have an answer immediately. Then my grandfather, who was reading the newspaper, said, "The point is the making." My cousin laughed. But I think about it a lot. We make something beautiful knowing it won't last, and we make it again tomorrow, a bit bigger. It's not sad, it's more like practice for letting things be temporary. (Okay, that got philosophical, sorry.)

The sadya

On Thiruvonam day we eat the sadya, the feast on a banana leaf. You sit on a mat on the floor. The leaf is placed with the narrow tip pointing to your left. Everything has its own place on it:

• Salt, banana chips, and sharkara upperi (jaggery-coated banana chips) at the top
• Pickles, a sweet-and-sour ginger-and-tamarind thing called inji puli
• Thoran, avial, olan, pachadi and kichadi (all vegetable dishes, each different)
• Rice, with parippu (dal) and ghee first, then sambar, then rasam
• Pappadam, crunchy, which you crush into the rice
• Payasam to finish, sometimes two or three kinds

There are many dishes, and nobody counts, but the ritual is the order: rice, then dal and ghee, then sambar, then rasam or buttermilk, and payasam at the end. My cousin tried to start with payasam and was nearly arrested. 😄

And you eat with your hands. It tastes better, I'm sorry, it just does.

Clothes and other fun

People wear cream-and-gold kasavu sarees and mundus. Women dance Thiruvathirakali in circles around a lamp. There are boat races and tug-of-war in some places, and in Thrissur there's a famous tiger dance called pulikali. Around Kochi there's a big colourful procession in Thripunithura on Atham day. I can't claim I saw it every year, because crowds scare me, but the energy around is amazing.

What I want you to take away

A festival isn't only a holiday. It's a way a place remembers itself. My Delhi cousin left saying she wanted to come back "just for the flowers". And I realised I'd never noticed how much I love this until I explained it to someone who didn't know.

So tell me about yours. What does a festival in your city look like when you describe it to a stranger?