A field guide to the people in every coaching-class WhatsApp group

I have been added to fourteen WhatsApp groups since July. Eleven of them are connected to my coaching: my batch, my subject, my doubt-solving, my test series, and one group in which nobody has spoken since the second week. After a few months of silent observation (I have been marked "seen" in all of them), I have identified the species. Here is my field guide.

Do not take this personally. If you find yourself in here, you are loved. If you don't find yourself, you are in the Silent Reader category and I see you.

1. The Good Morning Forwarder

Every morning at 6:02, a picture of a sunrise with a quote in a font that is trying very hard. Flowers. Sometimes a cup of tea with steam coming off it. Nobody asked, nobody replies, but the picture arrives like a postman. His record is forty-one days in a row. I have never seen this man in person and I'm convinced he is somebody's aunt's account that joined the batch by accident.

2. The 2 AM Doubt Guy

At 2:07 am: a blurry photo of a page with one question circled in pen and the message "anyone knows how to do this?" The group is asleep. Nobody answers. At 2:10: "please help." At 7:30 am he answers his own doubt: "solved." And the rest of the group spends the whole day wondering what the problem was.

3. The Silent Reader

Every message shows "seen by 213" and nobody ever types a word. In these groups four people talk and two hundred exist as ghosts. I am sometimes this person. It's relaxing. You get all the information and none of the social pressure.

4. The "Didn't Study At All" Topper

He types, with no punctuation: "bro paper was so tough, didn't study at all." Next day: top of the batch. Everyone in the group wants to throw a chair at him. He's the reason half of us feel bad about our sleep. But he is also nice, which is the worst part.

5. The Attendance Anxious

Every time a notice arrives: "Sir, is attendance compulsory tomorrow?" or "Ma'am, will today's class be recorded?" This person has asked about attendance nine times this month. He has never missed a class. He is worried about the one he might.

6. The PDF Hoarder

Sends a very large file at 11 pm. Then another one named "FINAL_final_USE THIS ONE_v2.pdf". Our phones all vibrate at once. My storage is full because of this man and I haven't opened a single file. We all know someone like this and we all secretly depend on him.

7. The Admin Who Is Very Serious

"ONLY STUDY RELATED MESSAGES ALLOWED IN THIS GROUP." Followed by fourteen minutes of silence, followed by "oh yes and tomorrow's lecture is shifted to 8 am." The admin's power is real. It is also unevenly applied: he forwards memes in other groups and then locks this one for "discipline."

8. The Meme Lord (also me, sometimes)

I won't say anything bad here, because the Meme Lord is my people. He posts a meme at 9:03 pm, exactly one person replies with a laughing emoji, and the admin says "irrelevant." In ten years this man will be a CEO or a stand-up comic, probably both. The memes are always about the exact situation we are in at that moment, which is both funny and cruel.

9. The Maths Guy Who Types Like a Derivation

A message arrives: "Dear all, please find the solution to Q14 below. Step 1: ..." and it ends with "Hence proved." Nobody asked for "hence proved." He does it anyway. Respect.

10. The Emergency Leaver

Posts "left" in the group chat after a test with an ugly question paper. Rejoins the next morning when the results come out. Never explains. The group collectively says nothing, because we all understand.

11. The Hopeful Thanker

Every few days, someone writes "Thank you ma'am/sir for yesterday's class, it was very helpful 🙏" and every few days nobody responds. This person is the only one who actually thanks the teachers. The teachers see it. I'm told this is the reason some of them still smile at 6 pm.

Honorary mentions

• The person who replies "ok" to a long, detailed message.
• The person who replies "k" to the "ok".
• The one who shares a "motivational story" with a title in capitals, about a king and a crow.
• Whoever started the group called "Chill Zone" and has never posted anything chill.

The thing nobody tells you

This looks like an "everything is funny" post, but here is a serious bit. Over the year I started noticing that these groups are the only place where all of us are in the same boat. The 2 AM Doubt Guy is awake because he is scared. The Attendance Anxious is awake because he is scared. The Meme Lord is funny because he is scared. Every type on this list is a different way of handling the same thing, which is a year that feels too big.

If someone in your group goes quiet for weeks, or leaves, or posts at 3 am more than usual, send a private message. Not a long one. "You good?" is enough. I did that once to a 2 AM Doubt Guy, and it turned out he had stopped sleeping before a test. We talked for ten minutes about nothing. That was all it took.

And yes, I know I'm the Meme Lord. See you in the group at 9:03 pm, with a bad joke.